ENTRY 7 - 4/9/2024. 8:18 AM EST.

hello !! sorry for not making another entry , been a bit busy.

im in class rn, so tired. as you saw at the title of this entry, it's super early right now. guh. im in my government class also rn, and yeah its super boring. ughHHHBhHDBHJ and i didn't have a really good night last night, i almost relapsed which sucks :-((. my mom was yelling at me abt my grades and im just like leave me alone wtf. she won't stop fuckin bullying me over it and im so tired bro. it isn't my fault im not good at math??? so you can stop yelling at me abt it??? and then she keeps saying "oh, you don't have autism !!!" GIRL HAVE YOU SEEN ME??? i literally never make eye-contact with anyone and i stim all the time. i also hyperfixate on things like??? hello?? i know that those things aren't necesarrily what makes autism, but yk. i consider myself to be a very outward person, even if i don't talk much, and i KNOW when something's wrong. and it also isn't my fkn fault that i can't read emotions !!!! my mom is always pissed for some reason and i ask her what's wrong and shes like uGHH nothINGGG !!!!1!!! she needs to actually be normal and TELL me what i did so i can stop feeling freaking guilty all the time like OMGGGG !!! so anyway, she was nagging me abt my homework while my stupid dad was out in the garage drinking like always, and she called me a brat and kept saying that her life sucks. i know she was implying that it was bc of me. so i went upstairs and cried !! :DD yip-fucking-ee. im honestly just so TIRED of all of this !! of school, of home, of everything. the only time i get to escape is when im at the park or with my bf. but even then, i know that my mom and dad are watching me on life360. ugh. i wish i could just run away with diesel (my pookie) and be happy for once. i never EVER wanna see my parents again after i turn 18. im so tired of their mental abuse, manipulation, and gaslighting. specifically my mom with that, but im also tired of my dad's alcoholism. WINE DOESN'T EVEN TASTE GOOD SO WHATS THE POINT BRO?????? ughhrbhfehejhfbjlfe. im done writing fn so yeah, bye !