ENTRY 4 - 3/31/2024. 7:59 PM EST. (MAJOR TW!!!!)

happy easter to whoever is looking at these entries. rn im sitting in my garage with my dad. we've had a lot of people over today, and i'm super overstimulated. i have a huge fuckin headache. i don't like having so many loud ass people here all the time. i don't really mind them being here, but they could at least tune down the volume a lil bit lol.

i wish my mom were more,, idk more nice to me. i ate a piece of pie today, that she was BEGGING people to eat, and when i went to eat some, she said "don't you think that's a big piece?" ...WTF!!!!!! girlie you literally have candy next to ur bed that you shove ur face with at night and ur judging ME for eating something sweet???? where is the cohesiveness in that? im honestly so fucking tired of her shit. she's one of the main reasons i'm so sad all the time and why i wanna kms so bad. it also doesn't make me feel better that she knows i have body image issues. i hate how inconsiderate she is, but i love her.

ok, update. i started venting to her and like my dad started being a total asshole and started mocking me. i called him an asshole and went upsatirs and started crying and then i vented to her more forgave her and stuff. i wish eric and dylan were still alive so they could comfort me or smth. they would literally never, but it's nice to fantasize sometimes. all i need right now is someone to hug me. someone i really care about like eric or dylan !! but guess what, they're dead !! and even if they were alive, they would be in prison, so whoop-dee-doo. fml. the only person who cares abt me is my bf. i love him sm, but i wish we could be together more. i wish he could be able to move in with me, but that will literally never happen haha. i also wish i could've maybe been in hs around the time that columbine happened. maybe even been involved in it? not like a murderer or something, but maybe a victim. that way i might have had people care abt me for once or something. or maybe if i went to columbine prior to the massacre, i could've been friends with dylan and eric. maybe i could've even been an accomplice in nbk!! although, i know next to nothing about guns, so i wouldn't be doing much killing lol. i would only really be involved for the suicide aspect. since i don't know much about guns, so i would probably slit my throat with a pocket knife or something of the sort lol.

that's probably all im spilling fn, lol it's getting late anyway, and i have a huge headache so i'm gonna end this entry. gn !!!! home.